 Treacherous attack of the Imperiums and the Monarchs - agricultural efforts are not duly protected |
Tue, 05 August 2003 06:40 |
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 dimych |
 | Crewman 1st Class |
Messages: 26
Registered: March 2003
Location: Russia | |
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Shtirlyugi and Makers (S&M) fleets has sustained a major blow from joined forces of Monarches and Imperiums(M&I).
Military officials of S&M were not available for the comments today, but depressed faces sited at the Allied Navy HQ spoke for themselves.
The information that leaked from the battlefields indicates, that Allied Navy seemed to underestimate joined power of M&I Axis of Evil.
A peaceful biologist at Navy Hospital agreed to speak to our reporter under terms of complete secrecy.
- It was a routine peaceful biological expedition, set to adjust some major agricultural and biological wrongdoing at one of the Imperiums worlds. The rumors were that local extremists used killer bees to guard corn plantations and corn itself did not meet rather loose Shtirlyugi nutrition standards. More to that, we had reports saying, that killer bees frightened kids in a nearby kindergarten and a high school. Although we had no proven facts, but based on our experience we strongly believed, that there we cases of painful bites to the kids. We may have sacrifices our insatiable drive to preserve high biological standards and humanitarian ways of treating agricultural vegetables, but tears of bitten kid is something we may not forgive to anyone.
- The peaceful fleet consisted of a few second-line warships (serving only as fuel carriers), bombers equipped with low-impact high-precision munitions to take out extremists sites and some freighters with Shtirlyugi Ol’ Good soy been seeds (TM), duly certified by Allied Surgeon General. We were planning to sell them at ground cheep prices for local dwellers just for the sake of better nutrition.
- We have duly informed civilians of the planets of the location of our low impact strikes and warned them to stay at least 100 kilometer away from them and wear radiation-proof suits or at least sunglassesfor a short time of 30 years after the bombing. We took into consideration, that low income of people, who live under Imperium dictatorship, may prevent common people from buying such suits. So we dispersed sufficient quantity of such suites from a stealth stratosphere bomber. Imperium propaganda argued, that none of them reached the surface, but read my lips – “IT’S A LIE!”.
- Our lab tests showed that 95.5% of suites survived a drop 3 meters down and needed only minor repair afterwards to retain functionality. We see no reason why the same drop from 100 kilometers would damage them.
- After a wave of precise bombing our marines… hahhmm… biologists visited the planet. Unfortunately, the sadist ruler of the Imperiums did not let people to use our suits for protection – we saw multiple suits crushed obviously by Imperium extremists and secret police -, and sun glasses of local manufacturers failed to protect people accordingly. So we claim, that all civilian casualties are caused by deeds of Imperium authorities!
- We were just going to start growing new plants and searched for survivors, but all of a sudden our expedition found itself by massive attack of brand new missile battleships of M&I. We believe, that Monarches offered their stealth technology to Imperiums and that was the reason why our fleet was caught off guard.
- Only few ships survived. I mourn for the innocent souls, people of duty, who were slaughtered there…
The biologist has said grimly but still proudly, that most of the kids from the kindergarten and the high school, terrorized by killer bees were saved and brought to S&M territory. They were, just as S&M supposed, badly bitten by bees. Unfortunately, two of them were slightly burned in process of precise bombing. Surgeons assured us, that it’s just a matter of days to heal the kids. Shocking pictures of bees bitten kids will be made available to public later this day.
More bad news to that – we have lost contact with some major S&I planets. The last information our reporters trasgluked to us were pictures taken from orbital forts – tens of M&I battleships and cruisers ready for attack.
Pray for S&M, all people of freedom and good will!
GNN
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