| stupor computers |
Mon, 24 February 2003 23:45  |
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| BlueTurbit |
 | Lt. Commander
RIP
BlueTurbit died Oct. 20, 2011 |
Messages: 835
Registered: October 2002
Location: Heart of Texas | |
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Are computers getting smarter or are we getting stupider. 
It seems that the more sophisticated the computers get the more problems we get and the more difficult it becomes to solve the problems. You thought computers would get so good that eventually all we would have to do is sit back and say a word here and there to get some action. Well, that's what your girlfriend tried to tell you, right? Yet it seems you're having to type and study and analyze and debug and reinstall and reformat and reprogram and re re repeat everything anymore.
Jeez! Now we have to study law just to install a program. The damn disclaimer is a mystery just to figure out what it says. I ACCEPT! I ACCEPT! Not because I know what the hail you are talking about, but because I just spent a half hour downloading this dog poop for the second time and after all this trouble I have no intention of DECLINING this offer until I finish my law degree. Besides, I don't even know if it works or if I like it, so I can't really decline it yet can I, you morons. You have billions of dollars, what the hail are you so worried about anyway. The damn guy that wrote this garbage makes more off of you than we'll ever be able to squeeze out of you anyway.
Then you begin the install and the program gives you a bunch of options before you continue, as if you have run this several times before and decided this time you would like to go a different route, perhaps the scenic route. Let's see, yeah the first time, which is now, I ran this, and I selected that option. So this time I will select that option again. 
Now some will say: "Honey, see if you can find volume III of advanced installation options made easy. I think it's the one in the third row, fourth from the end. Please, hurry, 'cause I'd like to get this done before the weekend so we can use the computer for something entertaining."
Okay it says if you don't know just use default settings. Default settings? It ain't my fault, I know that. It must be default of de guy who wrote this crap and he ain't here to help me decide. Okay, let's click this one. SHOOT! Blunderbust! Stop! Don't do that. Help! No, no, no. Why dose lights keep blinkin' so fast on the hard drive for such a long time. Then...
Nothing. Everything just stops. The screen don't move. The lights don't blink. The little window says 100% done. You don't move. Soon you start breathing again and still nothing happens. All of a sudden you hear a loud thump. Oh flusterbust, you're heart's back to beating again. And you wait, and you wait, and nothing changes. The sun goes down. The plants get taller. And still nothing changes.
Okay, plan b. Hit keys, click mouse, nothing changes. Right click, double click, triple click and roll to the left real quick. Hit esc hit return hit everything. Nothing happens. Make all assistants leave the room to increase oxygen levels for clearer thinking.
Okay we got the power button and we got the control-alternate-delete thing. Flip a coin. Tails. Tails means sh*t. Tails means we try the control-alternate-delete thing. Try it. Try it again. And again. Finally we get a blue screen. Says you can wait or hit control... again. Wait? What da hail you think we been doing since sunset? The sun is completely down now and the moon isn't moving very fast, so we go with the control-alternate-delete again. Nothing happens. We wait.
Finally after several attempts at nothing we kill the power.
We wait a bit and finish another round, then we turn the power back on.
Ah we are back. 
"Greetings dumb duck. Because you didn't properly shut down your computer we are going to have to check your hard drive for all kinds of possible problems and you must sit there and watch us while we clean up the mess you have made. It won't be easy, that's why it's called the hard drive. You retard."
Well, the words are slightly different but the meaning is the same. 
And now you wait and wait and wait, and watch the yellow line get longer and longer and you wait. And finally you get new screens with more colors and logos and "Microsoft" hey that looks familiar. This is like TV, for every five minutes of programming you get another five minutes of advertisement anymore.
And finally you see those cute little icons and that pretty background picture and a little box comes up in the middle and everything stops and it says... 
BlueTurbit Country/RockReport message to a moderator
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I do FREESTYLE math.