HW Locations Revealed! or not :-) |
Sun, 26 October 2003 12:00 |
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Steve1 | | Officer Cadet 2nd Year | Messages: 240
Registered: January 2003 Location: Australia | |
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Greetings to Dictatorial generals, Inquisitors, Hosts, Poets, Bip boppers, Judge jury and executioners.
We hear your radio signals but cannot confirm your presence.
Please advise us of your HW location and the date that you first attained interstellar travel, so that we may verify that your race still exists and is not just a remnant communications device broadcasting talk-back shows.
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Re: Welcome |
Mon, 27 October 2003 08:33 |
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Steve1 | | Officer Cadet 2nd Year | Messages: 240
Registered: January 2003 Location: Australia | |
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Quote: | Do you honestly think I'm going to give you my HW location? That would be silly, on the other hand.. with my vast array of devastating planetary destroyers at my disposal, perhaps a little arm wrestle might be in order?
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We hate to tell you this, but we have developed our minds to such a degree that our species is almost entirely a walking brain. We are in fact so advanced, that our last message contained subtle but powerful hynotic commands that forced most races in this galaxy to reveal their HW location, tech levels, plans, environmental attributes, planets discovered, etc.
You would not remember providing this information because your actions were performed in a trance-like state.
Only one race out there was able to resist our power.
If your people woke up one day inexplicably with a headache, a dry mouth or a sore tooth, then you were the ones whom unwittingly resisted our mind control.
Regretfully we cannot accept your offer of an arm wrestle. Most of the time our arms and hands are too busy holding up our head so that our brains don't fall out of our skull.
We would like to allay your fears at this point.
All of the information revealed to us will not be shared, sold or revealed in any way to other races (unless they are prepared to offer 1,000,000kt of mixed minerals for the tiniest sceric of data).
We are simply information gatherers and greatly prefer friendly neighbours whom might be willing to exchange tech and other things.
We're currently looking for some good quality alcohol that doesn't kill brain cells and will pay dearly for it.
[Updated on: Mon, 27 October 2003 09:02] Report message to a moderator
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Re: Welcome |
Tue, 28 October 2003 03:58 |
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pquinton | | Crewman 1st Class | Messages: 23
Registered: March 2003 Location: Lancashire, England | |
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Steve1 wrote on Mon, 27 October 2003 13:33 |
We are in fact so advanced, that our last message contained subtle but powerful hynotic commands that forced most races in this galaxy to reveal their HW location, tech levels, plans, environmental attributes, planets discovered, etc.
You would not remember providing this information because your actions were performed in a trance-like state.
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That would be a bit of a problem, since our people have NO idea where we are, generally because we don't care. As I said before, we are a race of Naive and ignorant people. It is only myself that has any form of information and control. Since I was aware that there was a spat of 'mind control' going around, I managed to design a highly complicated structure out of baking foil and wrapped it around my head. Not only did it block out any 'mind control' that might have been floating in the air, it cleared up the signal to my favorite radio station and made me look cool in the process. Entire sectors of manufacturing, retail and fashion have been created just to realise the 'style' potential that I have stumbled upon.
Quote: |
Regretfully we cannot accept your offer of an arm wrestle. Most of the time our arms and hands are too busy holding up our head so that our brains don't fall out of our skull.
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With this predicament, how do you ever get things done?
[Updated on: Tue, 28 October 2003 04:02] Report message to a moderator
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