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HW Locations Revealed! or not :-) Sun, 26 October 2003 12:00 Go to next message
Steve1

 
Officer Cadet 2nd Year

Messages: 240
Registered: January 2003
Location: Australia
Greetings to Dictatorial generals, Inquisitors, Hosts, Poets, Bip boppers, Judge jury and executioners.

We hear your radio signals but cannot confirm your presence.
Please advise us of your HW location and the date that you first attained interstellar travel, so that we may verify that your race still exists and is not just a remnant communications device broadcasting talk-back shows. Smile

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icon6.gif  Re: Welcome Mon, 27 October 2003 05:29 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pquinton is currently offline pquinton

 
Crewman 1st Class

Messages: 23
Registered: March 2003
Location: Lancashire, England
Steve1 wrote on Sun, 26 October 2003 17:00


We hear your radio signals but cannot confirm your presence.
Please advise us of your HW location and the date that you first attained interstellar travel,


Do you honestly think I'm going to give you my HW location? That would be silly, on the other hand.. with my vast array of devastating planetary destroyers at my disposal, perhaps a little arm wrestle might be in order?

Phil.

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Re: Welcome Mon, 27 October 2003 08:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Steve1

 
Officer Cadet 2nd Year

Messages: 240
Registered: January 2003
Location: Australia
Quote:

Do you honestly think I'm going to give you my HW location? That would be silly, on the other hand.. with my vast array of devastating planetary destroyers at my disposal, perhaps a little arm wrestle might be in order?


We hate to tell you this, but we have developed our minds to such a degree that our species is almost entirely a walking brain. We are in fact so advanced, that our last message contained subtle but powerful hynotic commands that forced most races in this galaxy to reveal their HW location, tech levels, plans, environmental attributes, planets discovered, etc.
You would not remember providing this information because your actions were performed in a trance-like state. Very Happy

Only one race out there was able to resist our power.
If your people woke up one day inexplicably with a headache, a dry mouth or a sore tooth, then you were the ones whom unwittingly resisted our mind control. Evil or Very Mad

Regretfully we cannot accept your offer of an arm wrestle. Most of the time our arms and hands are too busy holding up our head so that our brains don't fall out of our skull. Shocked


We would like to allay your fears at this point.
All of the information revealed to us will not be shared, sold or revealed in any way to other races (unless they are prepared to offer 1,000,000kt of mixed minerals for the tiniest sceric of data).
We are simply information gatherers and greatly prefer friendly neighbours whom might be willing to exchange tech and other things. Cool
We're currently looking for some good quality alcohol that doesn't kill brain cells and will pay dearly for it. Surprised








[Updated on: Mon, 27 October 2003 09:02]

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HW Location Revealed? Mon, 27 October 2003 12:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Ashlyn is currently offline Ashlyn

 
Lt. Commander

Messages: 833
Registered: November 2002
Location: Pueblo CO USA

We have developed a contraption that holds up your head so your brains don't fall out. We can put it on a destroyer and send it on over - just give us your location. Smirk

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Re: Welcome Tue, 28 October 2003 03:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pquinton is currently offline pquinton

 
Crewman 1st Class

Messages: 23
Registered: March 2003
Location: Lancashire, England
Steve1 wrote on Mon, 27 October 2003 13:33


We are in fact so advanced, that our last message contained subtle but powerful hynotic commands that forced most races in this galaxy to reveal their HW location, tech levels, plans, environmental attributes, planets discovered, etc.
You would not remember providing this information because your actions were performed in a trance-like state. Very Happy



That would be a bit of a problem, since our people have NO idea where we are, generally because we don't care. As I said before, we are a race of Naive and ignorant people. It is only myself that has any form of information and control. Since I was aware that there was a spat of 'mind control' going around, I managed to design a highly complicated structure out of baking foil and wrapped it around my head. Not only did it block out any 'mind control' that might have been floating in the air, it cleared up the signal to my favorite radio station and made me look cool Cool in the process. Entire sectors of manufacturing, retail and fashion have been created just to realise the 'style' potential that I have stumbled upon.

Quote:


Regretfully we cannot accept your offer of an arm wrestle. Most of the time our arms and hands are too busy holding up our head so that our brains don't fall out of our skull. Shocked



With this predicament, how do you ever get things done? Rolling Eyes



[Updated on: Tue, 28 October 2003 04:02]

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Re: HW Location Revealed? Tue, 28 October 2003 04:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pquinton is currently offline pquinton

 
Crewman 1st Class

Messages: 23
Registered: March 2003
Location: Lancashire, England
Ashlyn wrote on Mon, 27 October 2003 17:44

We have developed a contraption that holds up your head so your brains don't fall out. We can put it on a destroyer and send it on over - just give us your location. Smirk



That's assuming my Battleship doesn't get there first Very Happy


[Updated on: Tue, 28 October 2003 04:02]

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Re: Welcome Tue, 28 October 2003 04:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Steve1

 
Officer Cadet 2nd Year

Messages: 240
Registered: January 2003
Location: Australia
Quote:

With this predicament, how do you ever get things done?



This is no problem for a race as brilliant, and lateral thinking as ourselves. We permanently mesmerise all the lesser denizens of our planet into believing that they're sunning themselves on a tropical island beach drinking tequilas and relaxing, whilst in fact they're working their little fingers (or paws) to the bone. Twisted Evil

They're happy and they have us to thank for their state of blissful ignorance. Silly hair


[Updated on: Tue, 28 October 2003 04:42]

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Re: HW Location Revealed? Wed, 29 October 2003 05:15 Go to previous message
Steve1

 
Officer Cadet 2nd Year

Messages: 240
Registered: January 2003
Location: Australia
Quote:

We have developed a contraption that holds up your head so your brains don't fall out. We can put it on a destroyer and send it on over - just give us your location.


You have already discovered our HW, but we rather cleverly disguised it as a barren big red planet. Your scanners and sensor logs are all functioning correctly it's how you perceive them that we were able to alter. Confused2

At some point we may decide to move your perceived location of our planet to another point in the galaxy. Although you will think that we are there and all your instruments will apparently confirm this, our HW will still be at our original location on the supposedly barren big red planet. Teleport

We do thank you for your generous offer of this new contraption, but our clerics forbid the use of such devices. Although we are a highly intelligent and evolved race, the one nuisance we've never been able to rid our society of, is the ever greedy and power seeking priests that seem to permeate all civilisations.
We lynched most leaders of the pesky priesthoods many hundreds of thousands of years ago, but the one all powerful remaining religion is the worshippers of Ooomlah (roughly translated as "the Great Brain"). Rolling Eyes

One day ..... one day ..... they are going to get theirs and then we shall truly be a magnificent race. Angel





[Updated on: Wed, 29 October 2003 07:52]

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