Home World Forum
Stars! AutoHost web forums

Jump to Stars! AutoHost


 
 
Home » Old Game Forums » Rabid Weasels II-B » Rapid Weasel News Agency
Rapid Weasel News Agency Wed, 24 September 2003 00:21 Go to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
Breaking News!

The bold entrepreneur, Stout Wire, has once again created the inpossible. In setting up the Rapid Weasel News Agency, Wire has created a byproduct usable by all aspiring rulers. Now you too can share the most recent happenings with the other aspiring empires. Not to mention the general discussion that goes along with exploding bombs and slightly hot lazer-cannon fittings... {sigh} the days when Slag-gore roamed the galaxy with his Battle Cruisers are gone but that's History! How will your history be written?



____________________________________________________________ _____

Rapid Weasel News Agency, We're as Rabid as they come...


[Updated on: Thu, 25 September 2003 23:55]

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Wed, 24 September 2003 01:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Coyote is currently offline Coyote

 
Lt. Commander

Messages: 906
Registered: November 2002
Location: Pacific NW

Intercepted communications traffic:
Meenzeii Colony Sigma, (censored) System

Command 08: "Perimeter defense, what your status?"

Patrol 17: "Invaders they coming at us hard, fast, we not hold them back! Needs you (censored) reinforcements!"

Command 08: "Falls back to secondary lines."

Patrol 17: "Us cut off! Lots the (censored) landers enemies! We not make back to secondary!"

Command 08: "Strike 24, move reinforce Patrol 17. Strike 24, come in. Respond Strike 24..."

Command 08: (loud crash is heard) "Enemy armors inside secondary, evacuate. Ah (censored), incoming rockets..."

Transmission fades to static.

Unknown source: "SECTOR COMMAND DESTROYED. COMMENCE ASSAULT ON CIVILIAN POPULATION. LEAVE NONE ALIVE."


[Updated on: Wed, 24 September 2003 01:43]

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Thu, 25 September 2003 23:53 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
As the newsgram fades from view the announcer says,

"It is true friends, our galaxy has once again erupted into chaos and darkness. But you can rely on Rapid Weasel News Agency to give you the quickest updates available!"

"... In other news, a recent Senate debate lasted for twelve standard hours. The Ultra-symmetrical coalition was attempting to convince the majority parties that the galaxy requires expansion. It seems as if a recent scientific study has discovered that the North/South and East/West ratios are not proportional to each other. The U-s Coalition wants to devote a tenth of the Senate's budget to enlarging the smaller side... This is good news for the RWNA. Our BOX is getting bigger! "



____________________________________________________________ ____

Rapid Weasel News Agency, We're as rabid as they come...

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Sat, 27 September 2003 22:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Coyote is currently offline Coyote

 
Lt. Commander

Messages: 906
Registered: November 2002
Location: Pacific NW

News Anchor:
"Unidentified sources have disclosed that a nonaggression pact is in the works between the Greater Meenzei Protectorate and the cyborg creatures known as the Mortis. This agreement, if ratified, will put an end to the bloody border dispute that has simmered for nearly a decade. We join our correspondent on Meenzeii, Nur Mal Esch, for the latest. Go ahead..."

Mr. Esch:
"Us leaders no makes war. Peace, us say now. Meenzals try understand what this 'peace' ... is no make guns, no shoot aliens. Meenzals no sure if like, but not want get shot by Super Secret Security Police, so us agree."

News Anchor:
"What are the expected economic effects of this treaty?"

Mr. Esch:
"Guns building make 80% Meenzal economy, so may be bad business. Us trying re-align industry for produce Technology of Peace, thing like Directed Energy Hull-Metal Cutter, Long-Range EM Cooking Stove, Self-Propelled Asteroid Demolitions Device, and Fusion-Based Excavation Tool. Even Mortis see us make nice, safe, peaceful things now."

News Anchor:
"Thank you. The pending agreement's ultimate long term results are still unknown at this time. And now for an update on weather..."


[Updated on: Sat, 27 September 2003 22:15]

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Thu, 09 October 2003 23:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
Weather Anchor (looking a little wet...)

...With the metallic clusters increased radiation output, the general background radiation of the galaxy will increase by 3% over the next 1000 years. Of course, this is assuming that the northern galactic races actually learn how to aim those pesky x-ray lasers...

****************** News Flash! ****************************
Recent reports have shown the slaughtering of Hundreds of thousands in the Canis Minor system. We go to the last transmission received from the area, its badly distorted but you can hear the explosions in the background.

>>>Begin Transmission
...Repeat...ttacked by...Large beings with red eyes...Crushing native resistance...Large groups in strongholds to the east...mountains...Severe damage to buildings... and to the Regional RWNA HQ...idnd...send...Wanderers...cooleet...alall...
...all Hell has broken loose...
>>>>>>End Transmission

********************End News Flash! ****************************



Rapid Weasel News Agency, We've got the Rabid!

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Fri, 17 October 2003 01:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
In other news...

The Eye-Ball Network has just announced that the Eye has multiplied. There will be many eyes all over the universe, keeping track of all the happenings.

Hopefully, none of them run amok and loose themselves in the depths of solitude. We are hoping that each Eye has a locator beacon that could attrack other passing Eyes in case a fit of the lonelies attack. However, I am not sure what the correct grammatical reference to a group of those poor seeing things would actually be...

In any case, here's a toast to the glorious network of seeing Eye thingies. May they enjoy their view!


_______________________________________________

Rapid Weasel News Agency, When the Eye's run amok, We take the Buck..

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Fri, 17 October 2003 08:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
overworked is currently offline overworked

 
Lt. Junior Grade

Messages: 403
Registered: November 2002
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Shadow Whist wrote on Fri, 17 October 2003 01:45

In other news...

Hopefully, none of them run amok and loose themselves in the depths of solitude. We are hoping that each Eye has a locator beacon that could attrack other passing Eyes in case a fit of the lonelies attack. However, I am not sure what the correct grammatical reference to a group of those poor seeing things would actually be...

Rapid Weasel News Agency, When the Eye's run amok, We take the Buck..

Very Happy
A wit has suggested that multiple eyes together are a "cross".

As for poor? We're doing fine. Got the network up, get to sit back a bit and research upgrades while reviewing our vast backlog of unwatched "Pinky and the Brain" episodes. Great pointers there on potential methods of achieving galactic domination with fairly few resources. ROFLMAO

As for Eyes amok we do note a rival network station on Abrams. It will be dealt with in due time; perhaps via hostile merger.
Twisted Evil

- When you see the moon in the sky like a big blue eye... (well, it ain't amore'!!!)

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Sat, 18 October 2003 11:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
Intel Brief of the Day:

A casual comment made to one of our agents in the Nothti'lok System has discovered that their has been a surge in research spending focused to develop stealth technology. In that same casual comment, the agent reported that the intention was to allow races to slip by those all seeing Eyes and cause other sorts of nasty intergalactic incidences.
The Rapid Weasel News Agency would like publicly denounce such measures, while mentioning that avoiding those cross Eyes might be a good thing is some instances. Who knows what a cross Eye might do to show off in front of a nearby Girl Eye...



__________________________________________________

Rapid Weasel News Agency: What others see, we hear all about...

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Sat, 18 October 2003 12:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
In other news:

The hordes of the Southwest portion of the galaxy have once again attempted to expand the portions of their borders. Their Build up of forces in the Iceball and other neighboring systems can only be seen as indication of hostile intent.

In addition, analysts say that their combined forces will soon be able to field Jihad Capitol ship missiles on Cruiser hulls...

While this news might strike fear into the heart's (or hearts' if your race has more then one and a half...) Those who have committed themselves to fight against this recent aggressive moves are positioning themselves to counter this terror...

Meanwhile, The Rapid Weasel News Agency is committed to reporting the facts. We caution mothers against using the recent rumors of terror to motivate pups, cubs, or spawn to behave due to the implicit psychological damage this could cause if events do go south and certain children have to cooperate with occupational forces...

______________________________________________________

Rapid Weasel News Agency: More then News, we've got SPICE!!!

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Sat, 18 October 2003 17:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Coyote is currently offline Coyote

 
Lt. Commander

Messages: 906
Registered: November 2002
Location: Pacific NW

This reply was recieved from an unidentified Meenzal. Transcript edited for content.

Shadow Whist wrote on Sat, 18 October 2003 09:01

In other news:

The hordes of the Southwest portion of the galaxy have once again attempted to expand the portions of their borders. Their Build up of forces in the Iceball and other neighboring systems can only be seen as indication of hostile intent.



Meenzals make self preservation #1 intent. No you (censored) with us now, mmmkay?

Quote:


In addition, analysts say that their combined forces will soon be able to field Jihad Capitol ship missiles on Cruiser hulls...



Harrrr! Crunchy little cruisers, mmm!

Quote:


While this news might strike fear into the heart's (or hearts' if your race has more then one and a half...) Those who have committed themselves to fight against this recent aggressive moves are positioning themselves to counter this terror...



Meenzals get war declared on for trying re-negotiate border agreement. You all do same thing if you in us place. Mortis (censored) fools attack when negotiate make more sense. Fools for throwing rocks wasting minerals, work better as ships not flying (censored) rocks. Meenzals make minerals into big (censored) bombers, send back to Mortis.
To Selaera, Meenzals no care either way, but us like if you stop hurting us friends. That Meenzals' job.

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Sat, 15 November 2003 20:31 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
Recent talks have been initiated to end the terribly cold war slowing down all rapid weaselness in the left paw region of the galaxy. In truth, we think Hell could not stand being frozen for so long. But they claim that it was the weaselation that the largest weasel races were gaining the upper hand. Not only have they gained the upper hand, but also they are on the verge of superseding the other weasel groups in tech advances and resources.

In addition, High Officials of the Government of Selaera or as we like to call them at the Agency... HOGS have been heard saying they are willing to give up their desire for taking control of Hell, if this would result in the good for all weasel-kind. Although we have always wondered why the HOGS would be interested in that HOT place! Some mystics have argued that they want to control Hell in order to control their own Mortality. We say the HOGS just want a warmer place to burrow... Fire bounce Fire bounce Fire bounce


_______________________________________________

Rapid Weasel News Agency: Its Gettin' HOT in here, Its were the HOGGIES go!

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Sat, 15 November 2003 21:21 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
In other news

A recent conversation recorded of the Meenzeii Ambassador at the yearly Eye-Ball by the Ghost news network has sparked what appears to be an interesting chain of events.

As the words: "Ha! Eye-Ball nice place. Me glad not posted at Ghost Ball. There smell bad! Ugh! were flashed across all the Ghost news channels the populace realized that the horrendous smell was not just the mortal flowers...
An investigation was conducted to determine the cause of the stench. It was determined that the standard deodorant was lacking its neutralizer. Market research has also shown that the supply of deodorant in local weasel stores have dried up... Sun is out

Through a tip given by governmental auditors, the investigators found a huge increase in the senior officals' Weasel Closet budget. In a night raid on one governmental facility, the lead weasel found the cast off remains of 24,836 Super-Duper, Extra, Extra Weasel-Dry deodorant Anti-Anti-Anti-Persperiant sticks(tm)...

Governmental officials claim galactic spotlight perspiration as the motive for diverting public deodorant...

Analysts from neighboring countries noticed a correlation between the stinky smell and the peace talks between the North South cold war. Apparently Ghosts are afraid of Hell too!

__________________________________________________

Rapid Weasel News Agency: Try Brimstone Weasel-Dry, We got the Stronger Stuff...

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Wed, 19 November 2003 11:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
************************************************************ *****
Breaking News!

A scout ship near the Mandrake sector has spotted a large fleet of War-vessels on an approach vector to the Sector Capitol of Rheinum. The 200+ sized fleet is composed of Large and Small vessels. It also contains a number of Beamer BBs and a Few Jihad-class BBs. The Fleet is controlled by members of the Meenzaii/Hellion Alliance.

End News



________________________________________________________
Rapid Weasel News Agency: We send the news Fast, Hard, and Continuously!!!

Report message to a moderator

Re: Rapid Weasel News Agency Fri, 05 December 2003 13:26 Go to previous message
Shadow Whist is currently offline Shadow Whist

 
Chief Warrant Officer 2

Messages: 167
Registered: August 2003
Location: Vancouver, WA
Further News on the Mandrake Sector Conflict:

The government has sponsored a Sector wide blackout of all news in the area, in an effort to deter enemy intelligence efforts.

Two Hours ago, HOGS have given the all clear message for the embedded news reporters to deliver their reports.

Two huge battles were fought in the orbits of the Mandrake System and the Luigi system. In both cases the Meenzeii forces were routed and the Selaerian Navy emerged victorious.

The Selaerian losses were heavy but they remain confident on their ability to defend against any further aggression.

The Selaerian Marine Corps has also assaulted the Meenzeii outpost at Luigi and rendered their Stargate inoperable.

Our forces will keep you updated with further news...

___________________________________________________________
Rapid Weasel News Agency: We're so close to the action we can hear you!

Report message to a moderator

Previous Topic: Official Press Release of the Imperial Republic of Selaera
Next Topic: Major defeat
Goto Forum:
  


Current Time: Sat May 26 23:11:10 EDT 2018